For those who already have children past this age…this is hilarious.
For those who have children nearing this age…his is a warning
For those who have not yet had children…this is birth control.
The following came from an anonymous mother in Sunnyvale, CA.
THINGS I’VE LEARNED FROM MY CHILDREN HONEST AND NO KIDDING:
1.A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq.foot house 4 inches deep.
2.If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3.One 3-year old’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4.If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a superman-cape. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.
5.You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6.The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7.When you hear the toilet flush and the words “Uh-oh”, it’s already too late.
8.Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9.A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies. A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.
10.Certain Lego’s will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old.
11.Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.
12.Super glue is forever.
13.No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool, you still can’t walk on water.
14.Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15.VCR’s do not eject Peanut Butter & Jelly sandwiches, even though TV commercials show they do.
16.Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17.Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18.You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
19.Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens. Nor do bags of bread.
20.The fire department in Sunnyvale, CA has a 5-minute response time.
21.The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy. It will however make cats dizzy.
22.Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
23.Eggs in the shell and microwave ovens give a whole new meaning to scrambled.
24.A whole box of some detergents in a washing machine can fill a laundry room to the ceiling or cover a patio to the depth of ten feet if applied to a working hot tub.
25.It costs $358.00 to have water removed from the gas tank and fuel system of a Blazer.
26.In Sunnyvale the police question you if you take an accident-prone child to the emergency twice in three days.
27.It is virtually impossible to flush a cat down the toilet.